Thursday, December 31, 2009

Big Bear

Every year we take the kids up to the snow. It is quite the ordeal. Last year I didn't go and regretted it. It requires a million cords, a thousand technological devices and chargers galore!

Brace face and Tuller are amped up for the drive. Gotta stop and get breakfast burritos.

The man cub is cozy and entertained with multiple forms of electronic entertainment.

I have my crafty project.

And here it is.... snow.

A lot of it. A lot of fog and dangerous driving conditions. I'm scared so I'm not going to look at the road. I'll crochet a crooked scarf or shawl or what ever...

The infamous Snow Valley(duh)...

Only Big Bear has a bowling barn. That would not be cute anywhere else...

We finally arrive. Everyone out, let's play!!! or text..

Sarge and I are simpletons. We are amused by the same game the Principle (my Brother) and I play. The lets tape each other game. In retrospect we aren't very smart....

Tape the kids, that's what normal people do...

The cabins on the frozen lake. Beautiful (and cold).

Ut-oh. Here comes trouble...

Nothing good can come of this...

That was the part where I jump back in the car real quick before getting pelted with a snowball. Ohhhh the deviance!

Happy New Year!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas Rewind

Holy crap. I survived.

My cousins kid was picking her nose, I loved it. She didn't even care a little that we were all laughing at her. Awesome.

The father of the nose picker, my cousin, wrapped a super secret gift for our white elephant exchange. Wonder what it is. My Mom actually picked this gift because it was legitimately something she needed.

Sarge had fun making stupid faces at the baby who was born the same day as P-Diddy. Notice Ama and Aunt Mary laughing in the background. Sarge acted retarded and the baby would smile (so would all the adults). Good times.

The fire department had Santa deliver toys to all the kids. Cool idea. Why don't they go to the ghetto where the kids don't actually get gifts instead of my cousins neighborhood where the 16 year olds get cars for Christmas-- just a thought. Sarge said its because they will get mugged or caught up in a drive by. My answer was, then just drive through the ghetto, slow down a little and throw the stuff off and keep going.

My brother the principle and the customary, I'll film you while you film me tradition. Wonder if we will ever out grow that??

My neice got so excited from the Demi Lavato CDs I bought her. Look how genuinely excited she is when she opened it. That just made my day.

Christmas morning we opted for Denny's. I couldn't believe how empty the roads were. Wooooooow.

Fat Winner hung out and loved on me while the kids opened presents.

The end.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Ready, Set, Go!

The stocking have been hung by the chimney with care (Tyler did it)

The large majority of sweets and treats have been baked. A box of homemade treats has even been sent to Alaska my daughter. I really miss her this time of year, she was my baking buddy. Tonight we will make gingerbread houses and sugar cookies.

Everything is wrapped and put under the tree. Now its time to relax and actually enjoy the holiday. No more running around, no more shelling out copious amounts of money. Now its time to enjoy my kids, love on my husband and enjoy the company of family and friends. Oh, and eat wayyyy too much.

I have been swapping on Craftster again. This week I received this tree of life pendant. I love it! So cute.

And because you all are my vertual friends I thought you should enjoy the perks of being real life friends. So here is the picture I used as out Christmas card this year. Tree girls mouth make me laugh so hard and the man cubs face was also too funny to me. Underneath the picture is my annual Christmas letter (altered for internet security). Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays and all that good stuff! I hope this letter finds everyone surviving the economy, happy and without the flu (we weren’t so lucky). We are alive and almost well and still very much enjoying country living on the Dirt Ranch in the middle of nowhere. It seems our quest of simple living and self sufficiency is still “what we do”. As we keep going about our daily lives we are still learning some powerful lessons along the way.

Sarge is now a watch commander in the ghetto of San *&&^$#. Here are some things I noticed he has learned this past year. First, there is nothing on the dirt ranch that can’t be fixed with chicken wire, duct tape and zip ties. Second, sometimes the people who are supposed to be protecting us from the stupid people are stupid themselves. What I have learned about his job is if you take your time getting to a shooting, everything is dead by the time you get there resulting in a less conflict but more paperwork (he would never say that, but I know).

I am FINALLY done with school and after 12 very long years I have my bachelors. I learned exactly why it is called a B.S. I also learned a few other random things through the year. If you step on a lego on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night you will actually get a bruise on the arch of your foot and your child will repeat the colorful language you said while acquiring said bruise. No matter how careful I am, at some point I will track chicken crap on my beige carpet resulting in more colorful language. No matter how hard I try I cannot keep my turkeys from committing suicide in their 4 inch water dish when all they have to do to prevent drowning is stand up. While at work I learned that I cannot keep a strait face when an old lady with a New York accent tells me as I approach her home to “take my pants off and stay awhile”.

Tree Girl is now 13 and in 8th grade. She has learned how to put the angel on top of the tree without using a step stool (she’s 5’10”). Next year I’m going to make her put up the lights without a ladder just for entertainment purposes. She has also learned that asking your parents geometry questions is totally useless because we just laugh at her. She actually took in 2 orphaned piglets and learned that they really stink and aren’t as fun as they looked in Charlotte’s Web.

Man Cub, our little Jedi warrior is 8 and in second grade. He is full of all kinds of chaos and fun. He has learned if he yells in the middle of Wal-Mart with a Star Wars helmet on because I won’t buy him legos “that is why Dad is number one and you are number two!” that everyone in the surrounding isles will laugh and I will continually tell him to go ask number one for lunch or to help him. He has also learned if he dumps 4,642 legos in a full bathtub the water will be freezing and it will take 2 hours before you can pick them all back up.

Between all these learning experiences we kept busy. We went to Catalina, on a cruise, to Knott’s, the aquarium, the zoo, museums, the snow, camping, Las Vegas and tons of other places I can’t remember. Alaska Daughter who was in the Army got married and had a baby (I’d like to hear what she learned this year). I learned being a 33 year old grandma isn’t so bad. Oldest son joined the Army and learned that they don’t always station you were they said they would. All in all it was a great year. Here’s to hoping your holiday season was everything you hoped for and more.

Happy Holidays,

The H Family

Monday, December 14, 2009

Happy Monday

I got my package from my Craftster swap today in the mail. I love getting packages it's like opening presents when I was a kid. Above I got some snowman fabric, fabric gift tags, rudolph hair clip and lots of chocolatey goodness. I was in a swap recently and sent my box but never received a box in return. People are crappy sometimes. How can you take like that with a clear consious? My partner needs a spankin. I guess that's just the chance you take. Thanks Julia for sending me such crafty goodness.

On a side note, the man cub is sleeping in the middle of the day. That only means one thing-- he is sick. Poor man cub, I just wanna smooch on his yummy cheeks. Sometimes he lets me and other times it irritates him.

Now I'm off to go learn to knit, the second class Sarge bought me for Christmas. Hopefully I can do it better than crochet-- or straighter than crochet.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

My Life in Pictures

Contain your excitement. I have been up to no good, knee deep in Nyquil, up to my ears in tissues, over my head in Halls. I rarely get sick. When I do get sick, I still do my thing, just do it sick. Not this time.

Tree girl and I have spent the last 3 or 4 days walking around like zombies, sitting comatose on the couch, covered with ankies (blankets) watching bad TV. It's storming pretty bad outside too. One more reason to stay in.

When we stay in too long we get creative. Above next to my snot rags (I know, I'm gross) you will see a homemade light sabre. The man cub unrolled my wrapping paper just for the cardboard sword. To make this even better he shoved a bottle of Advil PM in the roll. Now it makes noise which is sooooo much more fun. My ears are plugged, carry on son!

Rain or shine I did go to my crochet class Sarge got me for Christmas (love that guy!). So I have been crocheting my crooked fuzzy scarf. I just love it because its crooked and its my first, beside the 4 dishclothes I crocheted to figure out how the whole thing works. I think I like this!

We have begun to call Winner the wiener dog "Fat Winner in a very New York mobster kind of voice. So at any given time you will hear someone say "Yo Fat Winner, yous gunna go break that punk Jazzy's knee caps for disrespecting the fam-i-ly. The whole family has come on board and Sarge often starts his dialog with the yous stutter. I might just have to record so chit chat in the kitchen for everyone's entertainment. She looks pretty mean huh?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Rut Row.

Oh rain, you screwed everything up. You left ruts everywhere! Budda doesn't seem to mind, but I do.

You and your delinquent friend Wind knocked over my trees. You guys together are bad news!

I know you will be back tomorrow, I refuse to come out and play. Like Sarge would say, just to make the man cub mad "I fart in your general direction". (I don't really mean that, please leave the rest of my trees alone and take it easy with the ruts, I hate getting alignments).

Monday, December 7, 2009

Lookie what I did!

Oh lookie what I did! I pulled my head out and got it done. BTW tree girl put the angel on without standing on anything. Next year I'll have her hang the lights without a ladder.

Here is one of my favorite ornaments. The little ambulance with a wreath on the back. It's just so Debbie.

The man cub was decorating the tree and for some reason he put all the ornaments on backwards. Um, why? I like it, I feel the same way, so I'm leaving it.

It has been raining all day and the power was out for 8 hours. The dirt franch has turned in to the mud franch and NO ONE is happy about it except for the ducks who played in the rain all day. I tried to call the electric company but my cell phone wouldn't work. So I drove down the hill in the pouring rain to the AT&T store so they could fix my phone so I could report my power outage. Totally irritating.

I leave you with this. Peyton, AKA P-Diddy, is dreaming about seeing her Grandma (me!). Isn't she so little? Sarge calls her the troll baby and teases my daughter that she belongs under a bridge. He started that before he ever saw her picture so he's just being a brat. I can't wait to smooch on them cheeks!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,
I am writing to see if you may be available to help me in my current predicament. I am trying to be festive but it's not working out too well. Since Thanksgiving I have gone from singing in a taunting child-like way "We're gunna put the tree up" to almost screaming "When am I going to have a free minute to put up the f^%*&ing fake piece of crap tree that I am just going to have to take back down in 3 weeks!". Ok I didn't really drop the F bomb cause my parrot like off spring are usually around when I am having this melt down but I thought it and that's just as bad!

I have tried to force festiveness by listening to my new Andrea Bocelli CD 400 bazillion times-- even allowing the man cub to put number 3 on repeat for an hour at a time (I hate that song now! and BTW Santa Clause is not coming to town unless he :clears throat: SHE gets some Prozac soon!). I am just not feeling it. I feel overwhelmed. Like there is a ton to do and only one of me. How can I put up a tree if I can't fit it in my family room because my quilting stuff is everywhere? ADD people should be excluded from Christmas responsibilities, there are just too many shiny things. It should be covered by the Americans With Disabilities act.

So Santa, I am going to go put on my big girl panties and just do it (means I have to wear my Nike's to get it done). I guarantee I will say bad words and get all kinds of flustered while my kids fight over ornaments and end up beating on each other. It will be worth it in the end right?

So I will go spend more money than my cheap ass will ever be comfortable with because I want everyone to enjoy themselves and feel the love. I am far from lavish, trust me. I asked my kids what they got for Christmas last year and they remembered the Wii but nothing else so that tells me they don't need all that other stuff. HA! I love when my clinical studies confirm I can spend less without my kids needing therapy (at least over Christmas trauma, there is plenty of other issues they can work on).

But Santa if I pull this whole thing off like I do every year I think I deserve some credit. Maybe some new kicks. I have been eyeballing a new pair of Nike Shoxs.

Oh and on a side note, the man cub told me he thinks it's creepy that you can see him when he's in the bath tub and he would like some privacy. He also asked me if you can see him when he gets naked to use the restroom (not his exact words) and if you can hear him singing while he is naked on the toilet? The thought of that is disturbing to him. I find it hilarious with a hint of disturbing that he can't have a movement without being totally naked singing Toby Keith songs at the top of his lungs. My favorite is when he sings "I love this bar" (my 8 year old sings bar songs, I AM Mother of the Year). Anyway, thought you should know my kid spends time thinking of this stuff so be careful what you put out there in your Christmas songs.

Hopefully I'll be festive and get some motivation soon.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Why is there a ramen noodle in my bathtub? I can't figure out at all how it happened. I don't think I want to. But what I do what to know is....

why did the chocolate dipped spoons I made turn white? It's so sad and they were so pretty.