Saturday, December 5, 2009

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,
I am writing to see if you may be available to help me in my current predicament. I am trying to be festive but it's not working out too well. Since Thanksgiving I have gone from singing in a taunting child-like way "We're gunna put the tree up" to almost screaming "When am I going to have a free minute to put up the f^%*&ing fake piece of crap tree that I am just going to have to take back down in 3 weeks!". Ok I didn't really drop the F bomb cause my parrot like off spring are usually around when I am having this melt down but I thought it and that's just as bad!

I have tried to force festiveness by listening to my new Andrea Bocelli CD 400 bazillion times-- even allowing the man cub to put number 3 on repeat for an hour at a time (I hate that song now! and BTW Santa Clause is not coming to town unless he :clears throat: SHE gets some Prozac soon!). I am just not feeling it. I feel overwhelmed. Like there is a ton to do and only one of me. How can I put up a tree if I can't fit it in my family room because my quilting stuff is everywhere? ADD people should be excluded from Christmas responsibilities, there are just too many shiny things. It should be covered by the Americans With Disabilities act.

So Santa, I am going to go put on my big girl panties and just do it (means I have to wear my Nike's to get it done). I guarantee I will say bad words and get all kinds of flustered while my kids fight over ornaments and end up beating on each other. It will be worth it in the end right?

So I will go spend more money than my cheap ass will ever be comfortable with because I want everyone to enjoy themselves and feel the love. I am far from lavish, trust me. I asked my kids what they got for Christmas last year and they remembered the Wii but nothing else so that tells me they don't need all that other stuff. HA! I love when my clinical studies confirm I can spend less without my kids needing therapy (at least over Christmas trauma, there is plenty of other issues they can work on).

But Santa if I pull this whole thing off like I do every year I think I deserve some credit. Maybe some new kicks. I have been eyeballing a new pair of Nike Shoxs.

Oh and on a side note, the man cub told me he thinks it's creepy that you can see him when he's in the bath tub and he would like some privacy. He also asked me if you can see him when he gets naked to use the restroom (not his exact words) and if you can hear him singing while he is naked on the toilet? The thought of that is disturbing to him. I find it hilarious with a hint of disturbing that he can't have a movement without being totally naked singing Toby Keith songs at the top of his lungs. My favorite is when he sings "I love this bar" (my 8 year old sings bar songs, I AM Mother of the Year). Anyway, thought you should know my kid spends time thinking of this stuff so be careful what you put out there in your Christmas songs.

Hopefully I'll be festive and get some motivation soon.



  1. hahahaha!! Good luck with all that Debbie! I hope Santa is listening!! hahahaha

  2. Hope you score a pair of the Nike Shox in your Christmas stocking ;-).

    Hah, I quickly grew to dislike "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" after I became a parent. It's just too manipulative for my tastes! (Besides, the adults I tend to hear quoting it to their kids generally need coal in their stockings more than their kids do!!!).


  3. Hope ya get in the Christmas spirit soon... I'm trying :)

    I started a new blog and your interested, check it out...

  4. You are so funny, I enjoyed reading your ranting, I am so in the same boat as you.

    Better run my boxed up tree is still staring at me.