My 19 year old daughter is having a baby. I am not happy about the circumstances and it hurts me to the core that she has given up her hopes and dreams by getting pregnant, on purpose. She was not raised like that but she is her own person, responsible for her own descisions. This parenting racket is not easy.So I put off making this baby a quilt because I was angry and hurt. I finally decided I was going to spend a few days really processing the whole thing. So I did. I made her baby, who is going to be named Peyton, a quilt out of bright colors like my daughter likes. Three days later, I feel better. I feel at ease that I did the best job I could with her for the 6 years we raised her. I taught her as much as I could about how to live life as a good person and to have respect for yourself. That was all I could do, the rest is free will. I have let go and told myself, there is nothing I could have done. She made a choice and I need to accept it.
So baby Peyton, I will love you and be the best 33 year old Grandma ever. I will be kind to my daughter and let her live her life and learn things on her on. I might even buy you every super fun but totally annoying toy they make, because I am just that kinda chick!
I think parenting older teens / young adults is substantially harder than parenting kids at any other age. We don't want them to go through the tough times we had or to experience the mistakes and pain we did, and it's hurtful when they make choices that we know will cause hardship and pain for them.
ReplyDeleteParenting is a hard road to travel. How lucky your daughter is to have your love and support, not to mention your understanding of how difficult it can be to be a young parent.
I know when I became pregnant, all those other things I wanted out of life suddenly became unimportant and what did become important instead was to be the best mom I could be . . . my hopes and dreams became substantially less self-centered. My son is old enough now that I could pursue those hopes and dreams I had premommyhood, but those things no longer interest me . . . I have different hopes and dreams and I'm ever so slowly working towards those (tho, of course, the older he gets and needs me less, the more time I will be able to devote to reaching whatever my goals may be by then). Perhaps it will be the same for your daughter?
I love the quilt you made for Peyton :). From what my mom tells me, being a grandparent is like nothing else . . . a totally different kind of love. I look forward to hearing about young Mr. Peyton in the coming months!! About when will he be making his grand entrance???
Glenda
Thanks Glenda, I needed that. The baby is due October 24 and I have known for a long time but I just wasn't ok with it. I decided this baby was coming weather I was ok with it or not so I better just get used to the idea. You are very right about your hopes and dreams changing once you become a mother. I just wanted her to know she could be anything she wanted and we would support her. Get an education or a career. Date different people, travel, you know all those things that you can do when your young.
ReplyDeletePeyton is now a unisex name, even though the only Peyton I ever knew was a boy. She is in the Army and lives in Alaska so I have no idea when I'm ever going to meet Baby P or her husband. Hopefully Christmas. Thanks for your support and kind words, I really appreciate them.
What a beautiful quilt. The baby is going to love looking at it and grabbing at the various designs on the different designs. I'm sorry for your pain, but glad that you've found some peace.
ReplyDeleteOh no... How old is your daughter? That makes me want to cry for you... I'll be 34 in Nov. my daughter is 15 and I would be soooo crushed if she came to me and said she was pregnant. We have the talk ALL THE TIME... and we raise her and our other children the best we can and they know right from wrong blah blah blah But honestly NO matter what we do as parents we cant prevent everything and that part of parenting sucks! They must life and learn just like us... our kids are already wayyyyy better off than I was at their age and I'm very proud of that. If my daughter comes to me at a young age and tells me this (or our boys for that matter) I will be mad, sad, I'm sure every feeling under the moon but I will be there for them, cause they will really need me.
ReplyDeleteAll you can do is accept it now, give her the support she needs as she starts this next road in her life and love them both! Good luck to your family and the blanket is BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks Jennifer, your out look on life seems a lot like mine. The hard part about all this is she got pregnant on purpose, by some she knew less than 2 weeks, and then married him. She is 19. She is my step-daughter but I never used "step" because I didn't want to alienate any of them. It's like watching a car wreck! What you said about parents not being able to prevent stuff like this helps tremendously...
ReplyDeleteThanks Farm girl, that was my goal so make something the baby would enjoy grabbing at.
ReplyDeleteQuilting really can heal the soul. Thanks for putting yourself out there. It is so hard to be a MOM, keep at it.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that this is such a difficult time for you. Although, I have to say you made a beautifu quilt for Peyton. My son is about to turn 13 and I am dreading the teenage years. He seems so impulsive already, even though we talk A LOT and all that. Children become adults with their own minds and make their own way, no matter if we agree with it or not. I know it will be hard for me to handle, so I hope this will go smoother for you.
ReplyDeleteDebbie, thanks to the internet and things like YouTube and Facebook, maybe you can "see" Baby P. before you actually get a chance to give him or her a squeeze :). (Sorry about assuming Peyton would be a boy; one of our teen-boy neighbors is named Peyton, so my brain automatically went to the "he" gender!!)
ReplyDeleteWe've been through a couple big "train wrecks" with my stepson in recent years (he's 22 now). It is such a helpless feeling, especially when they don't want your help or advice in any way, shape or form. It's difficult to learn how to step back and not give advice, and to instead just say "I'm here if you want or need help" and to leave it at that -- I sure haven't mastered that ability yet!
Glenda
Your Welcome... it funny how kids think... just this week our 12 year old son asked me if I would let him go to his girlfriends house this weekend, I asked him if he thought I'd lost my mind, then I asked "him why would you think I would let you do that?" Then I asked him... why and he said to just hang out... So of course I told him no and tried to explain why to him... I said " I know your not going to understand this and you can hate me all you want right now but my answer is no because I feel a 12 year old does not need to go hang out at their boy/girl friends house, thats some you get to look forward too as you grow older." To me that is just asking for trouble, Good Parenting is sooooo hard sometimes :)
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